Nancy, a soft-spoken woman in her mid-thirties from California, recently made an unusual gift, one that some might consider the greatest gift of all - she gave birth to a child for a couple she barely knew. She was a gestational surrogate. Nancy was carefully screened, her psychological and physical wellbeing scrutinized before she was declared fit. A few months after the delivery, she met me for coffee: radiant, genial, and exhibiting no signs of distress, tearing the age-old tapestry of psychological trauma associated with surrogacy.
Our meeting set the stage for a deeper inquiry into the commonly perceived notion: A surrogate mother is destined to suffer long-term psychological trauma post-delivery. But data and research suggest the narrative might not run that dark and deep.
A growing number of women, like Nancy, are venturing into surrogacy arrangements, opening their bodies and lives to create families for others. The public narrative - often spurred by dramatic film portrayals and sensational headlines - links surrogacy with inevitable psychological trauma. Yet, researchers examining the real-life experiences of surrogates suggest a different picture.
Olga van den Akker, a health psychology researcher at Middlesex University, engaged in a large-scale, longitudinal study on surrogates and their psychological wellbeing. Examining data from hundreds of surrogates across the globe over several years, her research paints a panorama far more uplifting than traumatic. In fact, more than 85% of the surrogates she studied showed no clinically significant psychological issues related to the surrogacy process.
While media often highlight cases of surrogate mothers suffering traumatic separation anxiety post-childbirth, these instances make up less than 1% of total cases, according to van den Akker's data. This heralds a fundamental departure from the prevailing myth.
To further illustrate this point, let's delve into the story of Emma, who, as a gestational surrogate, carried and gave birth to twin girls, Ada and Elizabeth, for an aspiring couple. Emma's account of the experience contradicts the prevailing psychological distress narrative. She recounts feeling a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment unlike anything she had felt before. With teary eyes, she told me, "I have my own children, but helping another family gives me a sense of purpose I can't describe."
The psychological safety net built into the surrogacy process must also be considered. Renowned psychologist Dr. Andrea Braverman explains that heavy mental and emotional screening is applied to potential surrogates to ensure they have a sturdy psychological profile. Moreover, psychological counseling support extends well after the delivery to help surrogates navigate their emotions effectively.
Clinical Psychologist Marney White, Ph.D., states that understanding the fundamental difference between being a surrogate and being traditionally pregnant may further debunk this myth. For surrogates, there is a clear separation from the beginning; they don't see the child as their own. Hence, experiencing fewer psychological attachment issues post-delivery makes perfect sense in a surrogate's mental landscape.
This is not to say a surrogate's journey is a joyride. Psychological challenges exist. There is everything from the labor of the process to a certain emotional tether to the baby. Yet, they typically don't graduate into long-lasting trauma. Herein lies the crucial distinction that the public narrative often misses.
To conclude, it's essential to remember that the surrogacy whirlwind ends not in a cataclysm of emotional upheaval but typically in a gentle dismount marked by satisfaction and a sense of meaningful contribution. It's time we reimagine surrogacy not as a psychologically scarring process but as a journey of profound empathy and self-disbursement.
As Nancy said, nodding back at me over her latte, "It's a different kind of love story, you know. You're not in love with the child; you are in love with the idea of making someone's dream come true, and that's a pretty incredible feeling." Perhaps, this is the narrative tune we need - one filled with hope, fulfillment, and the celebration of a noble undertaking.
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