Skip to main content

Misconception: Surrogates face long-term psychological trauma post-delivery.



Nancy, a soft-spoken woman in her mid-thirties from California, recently made an unusual gift, one that some might consider the greatest gift of all - she gave birth to a child for a couple she barely knew. She was a gestational surrogate. Nancy was carefully screened, her psychological and physical wellbeing scrutinized before she was declared fit. A few months after the delivery, she met me for coffee: radiant, genial, and exhibiting no signs of distress, tearing the age-old tapestry of psychological trauma associated with surrogacy.


Our meeting set the stage for a deeper inquiry into the commonly perceived notion: A surrogate mother is destined to suffer long-term psychological trauma post-delivery. But data and research suggest the narrative might not run that dark and deep.


A growing number of women, like Nancy, are venturing into surrogacy arrangements, opening their bodies and lives to create families for others. The public narrative - often spurred by dramatic film portrayals and sensational headlines - links surrogacy with inevitable psychological trauma. Yet, researchers examining the real-life experiences of surrogates suggest a different picture. 


Olga van den Akker, a health psychology researcher at Middlesex University, engaged in a large-scale, longitudinal study on surrogates and their psychological wellbeing. Examining data from hundreds of surrogates across the globe over several years, her research paints a panorama far more uplifting than traumatic. In fact, more than 85% of the surrogates she studied showed no clinically significant psychological issues related to the surrogacy process. 


While media often highlight cases of surrogate mothers suffering traumatic separation anxiety post-childbirth, these instances make up less than 1% of total cases, according to van den Akker's data. This heralds a fundamental departure from the prevailing myth. 


To further illustrate this point, let's delve into the story of Emma, who, as a gestational surrogate, carried and gave birth to twin girls, Ada and Elizabeth, for an aspiring couple. Emma's account of the experience contradicts the prevailing psychological distress narrative. She recounts feeling a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment unlike anything she had felt before. With teary eyes, she told me, "I have my own children, but helping another family gives me a sense of purpose I can't describe."


The psychological safety net built into the surrogacy process must also be considered. Renowned psychologist Dr. Andrea Braverman explains that heavy mental and emotional screening is applied to potential surrogates to ensure they have a sturdy psychological profile. Moreover, psychological counseling support extends well after the delivery to help surrogates navigate their emotions effectively.


Clinical Psychologist Marney White, Ph.D., states that understanding the fundamental difference between being a surrogate and being traditionally pregnant may further debunk this myth. For surrogates, there is a clear separation from the beginning; they don't see the child as their own. Hence, experiencing fewer psychological attachment issues post-delivery makes perfect sense in a surrogate's mental landscape.


This is not to say a surrogate's journey is a joyride. Psychological challenges exist. There is everything from the labor of the process to a certain emotional tether to the baby. Yet, they typically don't graduate into long-lasting trauma. Herein lies the crucial distinction that the public narrative often misses.


To conclude, it's essential to remember that the surrogacy whirlwind ends not in a cataclysm of emotional upheaval but typically in a gentle dismount marked by satisfaction and a sense of meaningful contribution. It's time we reimagine surrogacy not as a psychologically scarring process but as a journey of profound empathy and self-disbursement. 


As Nancy said, nodding back at me over her latte, "It's a different kind of love story, you know. You're not in love with the child; you are in love with the idea of making someone's dream come true, and that's a pretty incredible feeling." Perhaps, this is the narrative tune we need - one filled with hope, fulfillment, and the celebration of a noble undertaking.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Misconception: Intended parents have no say in the prenatal care of the surrogate.

Once upon a time, nestled in the heart of New York City, a young couple sat anxiously in a plush, carpeted waiting room. Samantha gripped her husband Jake’s hand, her eyes oscillating between the ticking clock and the closed office door. They were about to step into an uncharted territory – surrogacy. But a thought bubble above their heads carried the same unnerving question - Do intended parents have any say in the prenatal care of the surrogate? This overarching question has been a source of worry for many prospective intended parents. Conventional wisdom has fostered an erroneous belief that intended parents find themselves on the sidelines, watching passively without having any say in prenatal care once they choose to walk the path of surrogacy. However, the reality is far more nuanced, and the narrative much more empowering. Digging deeper into this myth, we discovered an intriguing plethora of data from a slew of studies and legal documents across many countries. One particular s...
Post a Comment
Read more

Misconception: Surrogacy agreements often result in legal battles over custody.

In 2006, a child was born in Modesto, California. A seemingly ordinary occurrence, regularly repeated thousands of times every day across the globe, but there was something peculiar about this particular birth. You see, the woman who had given birth was not the child's biological mother.  This woman was a surrogate, her womb rented by a couple unable to conceive, desperate for a child of their own. By way of good intentions, an embryo, the genetic product of this hopeful couple, was implanted inside the surrogate, and a few months later, a baby boy was born. But instead of passing the newborn into the waiting arms of the expectant parents, a dramatic legal tug-of-war ensued over who the baby rightfully belonged to. This tale of embattled surrogacy caught the media's attention and soon echoed across the entire country, sparking unease and caution around surrogacy agreements. Yet, in the shuffle of high-pitched media and conjured fears, a crucial detail was lost - this incident w...
Post a Comment
Read more

Misconception: Surrogacy is frowned upon by the majority of the public.

In the crisp predawn light, Chicago native Sarah Patterson kicked a tiled stone underfoot as she strolled along the crowded street. Its soft clatter bounced off the crumbled brickwork, dissipating into the morning fog. She wasn't thinking about the stone, nor indeed the precarious architecture around her. As she treaded her path alongside passersby rushing about their individual worlds, her thoughts were connected to an audacious concept— a concept of offering her body, her time and her life to fulfill the dreams of a couple unknown to her. In essence, she had made the life-altering decision to become a surrogate mother. The decision, however, was met with a parade of raised eyebrows and tsk-ing amongst her acquaintances—even some close friends. The thought echoed in the corners of her mind: "Isn't surrogacy frowned upon by a large majority of society?" This widespread belief, while seemingly grounded in the societal zeitgeist, warrants examination on account of its d...
Post a Comment
Read more